D is for DETERMINING IMPORTANCE

Determining Importance

I have a next door neighbor who is a widower in his nineties.  He's a staunch Republican (our Democratic tendencies truly puzzle him), and I believe he may have inspired the invention of the word "curmudgeon".  This classification is not meant to be disrespectful; I believe he'd heartily agree with the descriptor, and wear it with honor!  He frequently leaves messages on our answering machine that begin with, "Hello, it's the old buzzard from next door..."  We love him, and he loves us, warts, opposing political stances and all!

This gentleman has become a part of our family, and as a result is always invited to our children's birthdays. One year, I painstakingly assembled invitations that had a cut out showcasing a keepsake magnet my daughter had designed at school.  When I asked the gentleman if he had noticed that the artwork was a magnet that he could put on his refrigerator, he shook his head and said sourly, "Geez, everybody's got a gimmick!"

Usually, I am also in the "see gimmicks and turn all skeptical" camp.  But for me, that skepticism stage, that lasts for about a nanosecond, and then I turn into a sucker. Right now on my shelf I have 8 Weeks to Optimum Health, The 17 Day Diet, Simple Steps: 10 Weeks to Getting Control of Your Life, and there are many more that have passed through my hands before I realized that no amount of cool gimmicks, lists, or bulleted instructions could deliver what the books promised- at least not for permanent results (although I do a pretty good job staying healthy, and most often sorta have my life in control.  I will not discuss the diet book.  Ever.).  So now that I'm a seasoned veteran of gimmicks I try my hardest to steer clear of them with varying degrees of success.

So, this brings me to my encounter with what at first blush, looked like a gimmick for making life decisions. The formula  seemed WAY too easy. See?  I really am pretty skeptical- too hard and I say, "Pffft!"- too easy and I say, "Impossible"!  I'm kind of tough to please that way.

 First of all, this "gimmick" (in quotes because I'm now a believer, so it no longer counts as a "gimmick"- does it?) was in a magazine, a magazine that I subscribed to at the time, so it didn't even have to seduce me by splaying itself out attractively on the "New Arrival" table at Barnes and Noble.  Second, I hadn't heard about it on the Yahoo homepage (I get seduced there a lot, too).  Third, it cost me nothing in addition to whatever I'd already paid for the subscription (which was nothing, because it was a gift- yay!).

Where did I find this gem?  It snuck up on me one night about 6 years ago while I was flipping through an issue of my free (to me) Oprah magazine before bed.   I have remembered it ever since, and use it to this day!  Super duper props go to Suzy Welch, who wrote the article and outlined her formula 10-10-10.  Folks, this woman has given us (for super cheap) a nugget of pure awesome...

Our culture has evolved to a level where everyone seems to walk around in a very heightened state.  Everything seems to be of critical importance.  People receive e-mails on their smartphones no matter where they are (and regardless of the banality of the contents), and commercials for cable television, internet, cars, and many other things promise "more, better, faster".  We've adapted to instant gratification, and whenever something takes a little longer than we think, or doesn't go quite how we planned, we get a little (or a  lot) agitated.  If you're like me, you've started to catch yourself freaking out a bit over dumb things- things that aren't important and truly don't deserve to elevate your blood pressure.  But, how do we decide what we should and shouldn't "freak out" about? I have to admit, this is something I've been tussling with quite a bit since my daughter has crossed the great divide into middle school.  It's not only related to parenting issues, though- it's just "life stuff".  What really counts as a BIG deal???

According to Suzy Welch, it's really helpful to weigh decisions based on her 10-10-10 formula.  If you've got something that you've been indecisive about, Suzy says:

"Here's how it works. Every time I find myself in a situation where there appears to be no solution that will make everyone happy, I ask myself three questions:

What are the consequences of my decision in 10 minutes?

In 10 months?

And in 10 years?

The answers usually tell me what I need to know not only to make the most reasoned move but to explain my choice to the family members, friends, or coworkers who will feel its impact."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Suzy-Welchs-Rule-of-10-10-10-Decision-Making-Guide/1#ixzz1r2Yz4Nxh

If you really want to settle yourself down (without the aid of pharmaceuticals), give this a shot.  I swear, I read Oprah magazine for years (before my parents stopped gifting me the subscription for Christmas, and now instead gift me my Barnes and Noble membership, which enables the glossy NEW gimmick books to prey on me even more frequently...), and I remember very few specifics about the issues.  This 10-10-10? This has stuck with me for 6 years now.  I really, really recommend the article- it explains her approach in much greater detail.  I'm really not doing it justice- Suzy does a terrific job, so go with her version :-). 

We make countless decisions daily, and because we live in a time when we're constantly operating a step away from "crisis mode" due to our somewhat altered perspectives, this strategy can really come in handy.  Trust me- you may find that you more often err on the side of doing a bit less, holding family a little closer, and investing your time, energy and freak outs where they belong- on the stuff that's gonna really matter in the long run.