IT'S ON!!!!!!!
A is for "ASK"!!!!!
Today marks the beginning of "Purposeful Parenting: It's Elementary!"'s a-z journey! Hopefully, along the way, you'll find some of those "nuggets" I've described in my previous posts...
I'm glad we're doing this in alphabetical order (no, not because I'm a teacher and love anything alphabetical!...o.k., maybe just a little...), because I think "ASK" is one of the most important things parents can do when raising our kids with intention and with purpose.
What do I mean by "ASK"? I mean ask yourself this question, "What do I want my child to be like as an adult?" Really take the time to think about this. Do you want your child to be charitable? To eat healthy and get regular exercise? To be a person who enjoys reading? What about art and music- do you want your child to have an appreciation for art and music? Do you want your child to grow up with a commitment to the environment? When your child is an adult do you ant him or her to honor his or her obligations? To be an active member of his/her community? To be attentive to his/her own needs and the needs around them? Do you want your child to be motivated to apply his or her best efforts to everything they choose to undertake?
It is my firm belief that there isn't a parent on the planet who wouldn't answer "yes" to most of these questions. Every parent (even the ones that may appear otherwise) wants the best for their child. After about 20 years of informal research and observations, however, I'm here to tell you that the ones who succeed are the ones who not only want these things for their children, but actively model them in their own lives.Guys, as hard as it often is, we have to WALK OUR TALK. It's the only way to increase the likelihood that all of the answers to the big question "What do I want my child to be like as an adult?" will turn out the way you hope. Kids can be wildcards, so there are no guarantees that walking our talk will work, but I can assure you that it can only help!
If you want your child to be charitable, then become active in charitable endeavors in your own life. I'm not talking the "send 'em a check" kind of charitable work, I'm talking about volunteering, getting the kids involved, working for a cause first hand (hint: more on this when we get to "C" in a few days ;-). If you want to raise a reader, then you need to read frequently yourself! Does this mean you need to join a book club or become an aficionado of classic literature? No way! Just read what appeals to you and let your children see you doing it. My husband isn't a big fan of reading; however, when his "Smithsonian" magazine arrives, he can't put it down! He's found what he likes, and the kids see him "walking his talk". I absolutely loathe exercising. Really. I SO want to be one of those women who lives in a size XS fitted fleece top and yoga pants and goes out for a run, not to get skinny, but because they crave endorphins. I can assure you that this will NEVER happen. I think I was born with an endorphin deficiency. All I get when I exercise is nauseous (or hungry). Anyway, it's critically important to me that my kids recognize the importance of exercise, so I looked and looked, and finally discovered that I really dig Zumba. So, I exercise a few times a week. It's definitely not enough to get into an XS fleece top/yoga pant outfit, but my kids SEE that exercise is important to me. This goes a LONG way towards ensuring they'll be active, too.
So, today, I encourage you to ASK yourself what kind of adult you'd like your child to be. Make a list. Not the mental kind, either ;-). Write it down. Then, write down one thing you are doing to SHOW your child that each characteristic is important. NOTE: Just making sure THEY do it doesn't count! :-) What are you doing in your own life to model this? In what way are you "walking your talk"? As I accept the challenge of blogging on this topic for 26 days, I challenge you to stick with me, good bad or ugly, and try and find ways to walk your talk with your kids. For me, they're going to hopefully see me "walk my talk" and honor my commitment to this challenge! :-)
Jennifer - Love the blog! I have said this to you before.... I want to be just like you when I grow up!!! I look forward to the letter B tomorrow. Thanks for the reminder that we all need to walk the talk. I will be a better mother today because of your blog... keep em coming - 26 days is not enough!!!! cheri :)
ReplyDeleteYour entry resonates with me - my daughter was having a hard time standing up to her friends and after listening, empathizing and advising she was still skeptical that I really understood.
ReplyDeleteThen one day I had a reason to stand up to my neighbors. As I prepared to do so, I felt all the same emotions she'd described: embarrassment, shyness, uncertainty. Knowing that it was ridiculous to ask her to be brave if I wasn't willing to be myself I brought her with me to the neighborhood meeting. I calmly explained how I felt and asked for resolution, and the committee said they would discuss it amongst themselves.
As we left she asked, "Did you get what you wanted?" I said yes, my voice was heard, and that I couldn't control what their decision was but I knew I stood up for myself, and I felt great about that. She didn't reply, and may not have understood, but I learned that to raise a brave child who follows her instincts, I need to continue to do brave things, follow my instincts and encourage her to do the same.