M is for MINDFUL MEDIA

M is for MINDFUL MEDIA

The image above says it all- this one is a "soapbox issue" for me :-).  I am a voracious consumer of all media- a self-confessed bibliophile, and a reality TV dabbler.  However, simply because I consume a variety of media (admittedly, some of it of questionable quality ;-), that doesn't mean that my children are afforded the same freedoms.  After all, I occasionally consume alcohol; that doesn't mean my children are allowed to do the same- that'd be dangerous!  I'm here to remind you that without careful monitoring, the media can be equally dangerous to children.  

It isn't my goal to simply share with you the statistics regarding the media's impact on children; you can check those out when you have time at the American Psychological Association's website. The APA site is a wellspring of information to help folks sit up and take notice of the fact that the messages children see and hear everyday (even if they're only in the background)  have a lasting impact on their psyches.

Here's what I'd like you to consider...I'd like you to take a minute a go through the Rolodex in your head that contains all of the television shows, movies, and video games to which your children are exposed on a regular basis.  Really think about each of those shows- the content, the characters (and any stereotypes that might be perpetuated) as well as the messages that are being conveyed- either overtly or subconsciously.  I'd also like you to consider the messages contained in the commercials that are shown during the shows they're watching.

Do you agree with all of these messages?  Are these shows modeling for your child opinions and ideas that you can stand behind? If not, it's time to really think about the media policy in your home.

Television and video games are not "rights"; they are privileges!

For a moment I'd like you to consider something rash...relegating television viewing and video gaming on your home to weekend days.  No, this doesn't mean you can't watch your TV when the kids are in bed- it just means no TV for children during the week.  

Without the television on, kids stop being passive and start being active.  I don't just mean physically active- I mean their minds are active.  They create ships and cities out of blocks, they engage in dramatic play (at EVERY age; my middle school daughter spent hours this weekend pretending to be Katniss from the Hunger Games in our back yard.  She created a bow and arrow set out of twigs and yarn, and hunted rabbits and turkeys she and my son made out of paper), and they READ more.   They also play more games- the board kind and the "kid invented"kind.

I know I'm not the first parent to institute this policy; however from my own informal surveys, I know I'm in the minority.  You are NOT being a "mean" parent if you relegate TV to the weekend.  When you institute a "weekends only" policy, you're opening blocks of time for your children to be creative, for your family to connect, and you make the TV more of a novelty.  AND, when something's a novelty, it's something that kids look forward to...which also means that in the absence of appropriate behavior, it can be taken away- leverage is a WONDERFUL thing :-).

Know what your kids are watching and playing

In our house, we allow our kids to watch PBS, the Food Network, and the Disney channel.  They're not allowed to watch all of the shows on those channels; some are o.k. for just my daughter, but not for my son who is 4 years younger.  They are allowed to watch a show or two from other networks, but only "On Demand", so that we can preview them.  We're not super-strict parents; we just know that kids internalize a LOT of what they see, and we want the things they see and hear to be as free from violence and negative stereotypes as possible.  If media use isn't carefully monitored, kids can incorporate negative images into their world views, and become desensitized to violence.  Remember, just because it's on the Disney channel (or Nickolodeon, or Cartoon Network), doesn't necessarily mean it's appropriate.  Watch the shows yourself, and think of them as "speaking to your kids".  If the messages these shows are sending aren't what you'd want your children to be explicitly taught, then it's time to rethink your household media policy.

Just because "everyone else is watching it" doesn't mean your child has to, too...just don't make your kid an outcast..

Am I suggesting a bit of a contradiction here?  You bet ;-).  What I'm saying is,you don't want to say "yes" to a show, just because "everyone else is watching it"; however, you don't want your child to be clueless where certain media/cultural references are concerned, either.  Let me give you an example-

If there's a show that "everyone's talking about" in your child's age group, give it a view w/o your child.  Is this show something that is appropriate for your child?  If so, you're all set- let him/her watch it.  Is it inappropriate?  How inappropriate?  If it is ridiculously inappropriate, then that is that- no more discussion- the child isn't watching it.  But what if it's borderline?

An example of this is the Lifetime show "Dance Moms".  This is one that I fall victim to each week, after the kids are in bed.  The issue arose when the majority of the girls in my daughters dance class began discussing episodes during class.  I don't allow my daughter to watch this show- I feel it's inappropriate for her age.  She started to feel a bit excluded at dance, and asked me if she could watch it.  Here's the tricky part- maintaining our family's standards while keeping my kid "in the loop".

In the case of this show, I take issue with the way the women treat each other, the way the adults manage their anger, and the occasional sexual innuendos.  What I really enjoy is the way the children dance.  I had a talk with my daughter, during which I shared my reasons for not wanting her to watch the show.  I then said that I understood why she wanted to watch it, but that I needed to stick by my choice for her. I was willing, however, to let her watch the children's dance numbers, which are at a fairly standard point in each episode. I shared those with her, she learned the names of the dancers, and was able to join in the conversation with her classmates at dance.  She was spared the arguing and inappropriate interactions of the moms, and I didn't have to worry about her viewing these women's behavior as "usual" in the realm of adult interactions.

I could go on ad infinitum with this topic- regarding appropriate books, music, internet homepages and more. The bottom line is, know the impact this media has on your children, despite its passive nature.  Know your standards as a parent, and be willing to be vigilant about maintaining them.Be willing to compromise when you can; but also be willing to stand your ground when no compromise is possible.  Your children may be angry with you, but hey, that happens sometimes when you're doing the right thing as a parent, right ;-)?

CHECK OUT: FAMILY ADVENTURES: TV FREE FAMILY for some great ideas to share with your family :-)!