(Q is for QUIET TIME
In the early childhood years (I'm talking toddler/preschool here) we are very cognizant of the fact that our children need quiet time. Some folks are militant about their kids' naps, in part because children who are growing so quickly really do need the rest, but also in part because as parents, we really need a break!
As my children entered their elementary years, naps moved from a daily occurrence to something that seriously happens about as often as I see a shooting star. If either of my kids stays home from school sick (almost never happens) or if we take a really long car ride, then MAYBE we might get 'em to take a nap. But we can't bet on it- naps in my house are pleasant surprises, like shooting stars. Even snow days happen more frequently!
We're a super busy family, as are most families with kids of this age. We dash from place to place so frequently, that I actually type up a daily schedule and e-mail it to my husband, my parents and my in-laws (so they'll know where to find us if they need us). Quiet time is something that happens most often on weekends, in the winter time, when there's that blessed "activity lull" in between seasons. Here's the problem though- many (if not most, or even all- I'd be willing to place money on the "all") kids need down time or "quiet time" on a regular basis. Without it, kids are at risk for burnout, depression, and exhaustion. Their creativity also suffers.
My daughter is a HUGE fan of quiet time. She needs it daily, and depends on it to maintain her inner balance. At only 10 years old, she recognized this, and began telling us she was going outside for her "quiet time". She'd walk around the back yard chatting to herself as she invented solitary dramatic scenarios, swing on the swings, ride her bike, or just lay on a blanket and read.
When she began middle school this past fall, her workload dramatically increased, and her activity level picked up a bit. She had a couple of hours of homework daily, in addition to dance class, play rehearsals, orchestra rehearsals, Future Problem Solvers, Girl Scouts and flute lessons. (my daughter clearly battles "F.O.M.O."- Fear of Missing Out Syndrome, that I addressed in my "K" post on knowing your limits ;-). She had less unstructured time for her "quiet time:, and she started missing it.
Did she give it up? No way! I should know better than to think that a kiddo with my terrier-like nature is going to easily let go of something she wants and needs, and somehow realizes is necessary for her to continue to thrive. Know what I noticed? After I tucked her into bed at night, I'd hear her rustling around in her room. I'd be in my bed reading, and I'd hear her above me, engaging in all sorts of activities, none of which was sleeping!
At first, this agitated me. A LOT. As a parent who is also a teacher (and therefore needs to be "on", appropriate, and cheerful all day) and then needs to maintain that enthusiasm for my own family after I get home, I really, REALLY look forward to my quiet time. I need it like my daughter needs hers! When she started staying awake and shuffling about in her room above me, I'd get really annoyed. I felt like I was still "on", and I couldn't relax. Here it was 10:00 pm, and I hadn't unwound yet. By the time I did, I'd be asleep, and I'd miss it ;-). On top of that, despite my terrier-like tendencies, I am a real rule-follower; if the doctor tells me my kids need x number of hours of sleep each night, then I try like heck to make sure x hours, it is. So now, not only was my own quiet time getting sabotaged, so was my parental obligation to make sure they get their x hours of sleep. Now I was REALLY crabby!
Then I started to think about it (see? I need the "La Pause" I wrote about in yesterday's post;-). What was she doing upstairs after I tucked her in? Well, here's a sampling of what she was up to over one particular 2 week period:
- sewing a dress for the last Barbie we haven't given away, using a kit she got for her birthday
- making a bracelet for a new friend she made this year
- hand drawing place cards for the relatives we were hosting for Thanksgiving dinner
- writing a letter to a friend who had recently moved to Korea
- writing a script for her Girl Scout troop to perform as they earned a badge
- dressing her American Girl dolls- something she doesn't do as often these days
- reading a book of her choice for pleasure
- trying out hairstyles from her Discovery Girls magazine
- getting props together for a skit on which she and her classmates were working
At her parent conferences in the Fall , I had asked her science teacher if she had any suggestions for keeping kids who start off very well in middle school on the proper trajectory as they move forward. Her advice was to avoid "burn out" (more on that tomorrow) by making sure my daughter had her "down time". When I mentioned that she often availed herself of her quiet time later at night, the teacher's sentiments echoed my dad's. Bottom line? The quiet time was worth more to her inner balance and overall outlook (which have a big impact on health) than the sleep.
Don't get me wrong- I'm not letting my kiddo stay up 'til midnight playing. She usually calls it quits after 30-40 minutes, all on her own. She goes to bed happy, and with a feeling of accomplishment in a "fun" area of her life. She's learning how to make time for what she loves, and to take time for herself when she needs it, in addition to fulfilling her obligations. I'm impressed with her self-awareness, and her ability to create balance for herself. These are skills we as busy parents need to remind ourselves to exercise in our own busy lives, filled with "must do's" :-)!
No comments:
Post a Comment