P is for PAUSE
Today's topic is "P is for Pause", but at the moment, it would be more aptly named, "P is for Patience"! In the interest of full disclosure, here is the context of my life at this moment, as I create this post:
- My "main computer" ("main computer" is being generous; it's a Dell laptop that's over 6 years old!) shows signs of being close to death. Yesterday, it wouldn't shut down w/o me committing the mortal sin of taking out the battery and unplugging it. I may owe some purgatorial time for that move...
- Coincidentally (or in a rare mutiny of my household technology), my DSL is also not working...at all...and I am too honest a person (and far too paranoid) to try and piggy back on "Emily's" connection, which is the only network that appears as an option. None of my neighbors is named "Emily", which is weird. So, to preserve my identity and my integrity, I am NOT going to try and use "Emily's" connection.
- My husband and I have been assigned a pre-surgery video to watch prior to a procedure he's having tomorrow. The video is available only online. And only for 12 more hours.
- I have spent the last couple of hours at a local techie store trying to decide if I want to convert from PC to Mac in my soon to be computer-widowed state. I believe that a Scientology info session would have been less pressured!
- I am now at the Barnes and Noble around the corner from my house, drinking uber-caffeinated coffee, while trying to get to YESTERDAY's post before they close in an hour and I lose my free (legitimately free- no stealing from "Emily") wireless.
- Oh yeah, and we watched our pre-surgery video. My husband (who before seemed as concerned as I am before a pedicure about this procedure) has now had his anxiety kicked up several notches. Apparently, 'til now he has been able to tune out the doctor's discussion of risks- I swear he can invisibly put his fingers in his ears and chant "lalalalalalalala!" to himself. The visual aspect of the video, combined with the audio, neutralized this ability, and has rendered him powerless. He just left the store to do some other things, shaking his head and muttering something about "f-ing great". Poor guy!
Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, let's talk about "pause". I've often battled with living in the moment; however, I've only just recently started thinking about this as it relates to simply taking a moment to just take a breath, and pause.
In her book Bringing Up Bebe:One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting Pamela Druckerman discusses the French practice of "La Pause". La Pause is a technique designed to help babies begin to sleep through the night on their own. The idea is that parents, in their desire to be immediately responsive to their newborn's needs, often unwittingly interrupt their baby's sleep by picking them up at the first sign of a whimper. Druckerman shares conversations she has had with pediatricians and parents who suggest that babies are naturally fitful sleepers, and that their newborn cycles are often brief, and noisy. They suggest that babies need a minute or two to resettle themselves into a deeper sleep, and that when parents rush to pick them up, this can bring the baby into a fully awake state, which makes it harder for them to return to sleep on their own. The theory that Druckerman is sharing suggests that when parents are hyper-responsive, they may be creating a pattern that lays the groundwork for many sleepless nights in the future. It's my impression that Druckerman, et al. aren't suggesting that parent's ignore full-on distress signals from their babies; rather, their recommendation is for parents to pause for a few moments and see what naturally evolves. Does the baby resettle independently and return to sleep (what an AWESOME skill to acquire in the early days, right??)? If not and the baby seems to become agitated to the point of wakefulness, then parents step in.
My children are well past this stage of the game, so I can't give this a try; however, it kind of makes sense to me. Since I can't give it a whirl (nor do I feel the idea is astounding enough to make me want to have another infant just to try it out;-), I've decide to try and apply the theory of "La Pause" to my life as it is now.
"What's that look like?" you might be wondering. Well, it means that as soon as I feel myself about to answer my husband with any remark sprinkled with sarcasm, I take a second to pause, and consider whether this is really how I want to say what I'm trying to say. Sometimes, after the pause, my decision is, "heck yeah!", and I let fly with the sarcasm. Other times, though, I'm glad I paused to move outside of my occasionally knee-jerk self.
When I'm trying to prepare a healthy dinner before soccer practice, dance class, or flute lessons, and the kids are both chattering away about their days, tossing notes from school in my direction and asking, "Can I sign up for this? Can ___________ come over this weekend? Do I have to practice NOW? Do I have a clean leotard? Can you put on my shin guards?", I pause, take a breath, and instead of hollering "For God's sake, give me a minute!!!", I say, "Hang on folks, one thing at a time." La Pause has saved my kids the trouble of wondering whether their mother is a raving lunatic.
The other way I've modified the "pause" to be applicable to my life with elementary and middle school-aged children is to be more mindful of moments to cherish. When my mind wanders during theses moments, I try to refocus myself with a breath and a pause. This period in my children's lives is insanely busy and absolutely exhausting. BUT I LOVE IT!!!!
Remember the "Celebrity Panel" I mentioned in my previous post? The folks I admire, respect, and love and to whom I turn for opinions when I'd like a variety of them to help me with a particular issue? Well, I've known these guys for a long time-since their kids were the age my kids are now, and before I had children. I see where they're at now, and though they're all very happy, they occasionally turn wistful when they've heard about my crazy weekend shuttling kids around and say, "Oh I remember those days. exhausting...but FUN! Your kids are at great ages. I miss that!!"
See? My Celebrity Panel reminds me that I need to pause and savor. Pause and think before I speak and/or act, and pause and live in the moment because these moments are fleeting. The sooner I train myself in the ways of "La Pause", the better- for my family and for me!
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